#32 — Nesh Nikolic on Emotional Intelligence

SPECIAL NOTICE | Nesh is currently looking for registered psychologists to join the team at Strategic Psychology. See available positions

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In this episode of Better Thinking, Nesh Nikolic speaks with Mary Andreadis about emotional intelligence and how it can impact us in the workplace, relationships and personal decision-making.

Nesh Nikolic is a Canberra-based clinical psychologist with over 15,000 hours of one-on-one therapy experience. He has trained in a number of therapy modes including Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Schema Therapy and he is also recognised by Medicare Australia as a qualified provider of specialist clinical psychology services. His therapeutic passion lies in utilising Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for his clients and has trained clinicians around Australia in ACT.

Nesh holds a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology and is a member of the Australian Psychological Society (APS), Association for Contextual Behavioural Science and Fellow of the APS College of Clinical Psychologists.

Mary Andreadis is a Melbourne-based provisional psychologist. She has completed a Bachelors and Honours Degree in Psychology and is completing a Masters Degree in this field to become a qualified psychologist. Mary has worked as a mental health community support worker, counsellor and facilitated monthly anxiety support groups. Alongside all of this, she also writes a blog at MindIntertwined.com.

Links:

Strategic Psychology (Nesh’s practice)
Mind Intertwined (Mary’s blog)

What is Emotional Intelligence?
By Mary Andreadis

When most of us hear the word intelligence, we will usually think of someone’s IQ. We might envision a doctor or a lawyer or perhaps a well-spoken colleague at work. We may not necessarily consider the man who is able to diffuse a heated argument between two very angry people or the woman who is able to keep calm and rational in stressful situations. What most of us don’t consider is the concept of emotional intelligence. So, what is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a concept that was coined by Peter Salovey and John Mayer and can be broadly defined as the ability to perceive, understand and manage one’s own emotions as well as the emotions of others. People with a high emotional intelligence are generally able to reflect on and regulate their own emotions in order to further their emotional, intellectual and social progression. These people are very adept to social cues and will very often observe and engage in both intrapersonal and interpersonal reflection.

Emotional intelligence plays a critical role in our professional, educational, social and personal lives however it is still a relatively new concept that we are slowly learning more and more about. Daniel Goleman, a science journalist who brought emotional intelligence to light, proposed four core components that appear to be essential to emotional intelligence.

Self-awareness: This refers to one’s ability to honestly recognise, understand and interpret the emotions, moods, drives and triggers of themselves as well as those of others. These people are able to recognise the impact that their emotions may have on their actions and vice versa and openly reflect on their strengths and weaknesses. People with a higher self-awareness are also open to new experiences and make an effort to learn from their interactions with others.

Managing emotions: Self-awareness is one thing, but what comes next is the ability to manage the emotions one has become aware of. Managing one’s emotions does not necessarily refer to suppressing them or simply not feeling as upset, angry or stressed. It instead refers to the ability to express one’s emotions in a mature, appropriate and effective manner in order to avoid internal and external conflict, stress or senseless emotional distress.

Empathy: Empathy refers to the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person and respond to others based on your perception of their current state. These people are able to recognise what a person needs in any given moment or situation and respond accordingly.

Handling relationships: The ability to interact effectively and meaningfully with others is a crucial part of emotional intelligence. While learning to manage one’s own emotions is a great start, an emotionally intelligent person must also have the ability to build rapport, establish a common ground and build meaningful relationships with others within their day to day life.

While emotional intelligence is still a fairly novel concept, research has suggested that having a higher emotional intelligence may be correlated with higher levels of success in the workplace – particularly within leadership positions. Understandably so, emotional intelligence is also highly correlated with more meaningful relationships and a general increase in likability.

While it has become apparent that individuals operate from different emotional starting places; largely dependent on their parental upbringing and environment throughout childhood – emotional intelligence is a skill that can be and should be worked upon. While some people may find that practical activities centred on mindful reflection and awareness to one’s internal and external world may be all that is needed; others may benefit from sessions with a psychologist. No matter the avenue, emotional intelligence is a skill set that should be consistently worked upon in order to develop meaningful relationships, reach ones professional and nonprofessional goals and maintain both internal and external peace.

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