#51 — Nesh Nikolic on Perfectionism & Imposter Syndrome
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In this episode of Better Thinking, Nesh Nikolic speaks with Mary Andreadis about perfectionism and imposter syndrome.
Nesh Nikolic is a Canberra-based clinical psychologist with over 15,000 hours of one-on-one therapy experience. He has trained in a number of therapy modes including Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Schema Therapy and he is also recognised by Medicare Australia as a qualified provider of specialist clinical psychology services. His therapeutic passion lies in utilising Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for his clients and has trained clinicians around Australia in ACT.
Nesh holds a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology and is a member of the Australian Psychological Society (APS), Association for Contextual Behavioural Science and Fellow of the APS College of Clinical Psychologists.
Mary Andreadis is a Melbourne-based provisional psychologist. She has completed a Bachelors and Honours Degree in Psychology and is completing a Masters Degree in this field to become a qualified psychologist. Mary has worked as a mental health community support worker, counsellor and facilitated monthly anxiety support groups. Alongside all of this, she also writes a blog at MindIntertwined.com.
Links:
Strategic Psychology (Nesh’s practice)
Mind Intertwined (Mary’s blog)
Perfectionism
By Mary Andreadis
It’s a term that holds both a positive and negative connotation - perfectionism. Perfectionism is a trait that many will humbly turn to when asked what their biggest weakness is in a job interview. However, for people who truly experience perfectionism, the impact can often be torturous.
Perfectionism is a personality trait that refers to a person who strives for flawlessness and sets very high-performance standards. Alongside of these standards, perfectionists will engage in critical self-evaluation, particularly when they feel that they have not met the standard they have set for themselves and will often worry excessively about the way that others evaluate them.
There are said to be three primary types of perfectionism.
Self-oriented perfectionism: This refers to people who have unrealistically high self-standards and hold great importance to the idea of being perfect.
Other oriented perfectionism: This refers to people who direct expectations of perfectionism toward others, often holding others to a high standard and being critical of them if they do not meet these standards.
Socially prescribed perfectionism: This form of perfectionism refers to people who believe that they must meet the high demands of their social context. They tend to believe that others are being critical of them and that they must remain perfectionistic in order to attain social approval.
What are the costs of perfectionism?
Procrastination: People struggling with perfectionism tend to struggle with procrastination, primarily due to an intense and pervasive fear of failure and the anxiety that comes along with this fear of not living up to ones self-induced standard. This appears to be particularly present in people who experience socially prescribed perfectionism.
Stress and burnout: People who are perfectionistic often experience a great deal of stress and self-inflicted pressure to perform at an excessively high standard. Alongside of this, these people often feel that they need to work harder in order to achieve this standard and are never satisfied which will often lead to both stress and burnout.
Opportunity costs: People high on perfectionism tend to spend a lot of their time working very hard toward reaching this perfectionistic standard in different domains within their life. They may therefore miss out on engaging in other potential more fulfilling activities such as leisurely hobbies or opportunities for socialising.
Mental health issues: People who struggle with perfectionism often also have comorbid mental health issues. Perfectionism has been suggested to be a risk factor for anxiety disorders – particularly obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) – eating disorders, depression and potentially even suicide.
What causes perfectionism?
Parenting behaviours: Research suggests a link between particular parental behaviours and perfectionistic traits, including high parental expectations and criticism. Excessive praise for one’s achievements may also be a contributing factor, often leading young people to feel that their self-worth is dependent on their achievements. Maintaining A+ grades, coming first in sporting competitions or spending all of one’s time working or studying might be praised in some families while a failure to do so or mistakes made by the child may be subject to punishment. In this way children learn that their self-worth is determined upon being ‘perfect’ and adjust their behaviours accordingly. These behaviours are learned and often maintained into adulthood.
Personality traits: Conscientiousness is a trait primarily associated with being organised, self-disciplined, hardworking and having a drive to achieve. These people are usually ambitious, and goal oriented in their work and academic endeavours. Research has linked this trait to that of perfectionism, particularly self-oriented perfectionism suggesting that people high on this trait place great pressure on themselves to achieve at a high standard. The trait of neuroticism – a trait linked to emotional distress and difficulty coping with stress has also been linked to perfectionism.
Social media: It may also be the case that the rise in social media use and the depiction of unrealistic standards of ‘perfection’ and ‘highlight reels’ portrayed through these platforms may also lead to a need to strive for perfectionism. Studies indicate that exposure to these representations can intensify one’s own concerns regarding their body and increase feelings of social isolation. In fact, incidence of body dysmorphia and eating disorders have risen by approximately 30% since the introduction of social media.
What can we do about it?
While there is not one approach that works for all, it might be worth considering the possibility that you may not have to do anything. Rather, adopting the principle of acceptance in the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) model and developing the ability to recognise and acknowledge our thoughts without becoming entangled in them may be an approach that is worth exploring.
Evidently, perfectionism is a lot more multifaceted, complex and potentially harmful than many people perceive this trait to be. Next time, you feel proud for your perfectionistic traits, or admire someone for theirs it may be worth considering the impact that it truly has.